Author Archives: wanderingbanana

Soul Windows

Eyes, that’s what I find myself thinking about at this moment. A particular type of eyes which I always seem to be searching, or even longing, for. Certain people, not many people, when I meet them or even see them on tv, in music videos, or movies or what have you, just have these … EYES. It’s hard to describe them but I’ll do my best. They’re eyes that say: I know more than what I’m telling you, I’m an old soul, there’s a lot more to me than I’m letting on, there’s a depth to me not found in others. It’s just this certain ‘thing’ to their eyes (yes, that’s really the best way I could put this sentence). What am I seeing? That on the spectrum of emotional and/or spiritual depth they’re on the deeper end, or just that they’re people similar to me and it’s actually my own reflection I’m seeing in them, or that there’s some kind of a connection between us, or all or some of the above? Am I glimpsing the collective unconscious? Do other people get this feeling? I often have the feeling that when I meet one of these people they feel the same way about me; there’s this unspoken “knowing” between us. There’s an element of mysteriousness to the whole thing. It’s pretty trippy, but meeting one of these people is one of the best feelings. I’ve seen it by far more in men than women, which leaves me thinking that it’s skewed by physical attraction (because I like the dudes, not the ladies) … (Aerosmith just popped into my head). But certainly physical attraction is not required, though glasses may be, if your vision is such that you can’t actually see into people’s eyes (which is my case if I’m kind of far away from them). So I’ll just finish by clarifying that no, I’m not high or drunk at the time that I am writing this post, it’s just weird and I’m cool with that.


The War Against Pants

So, I recently bought the June issue of Vanity Fair (with Brad Pitt on the cover). As I slowly made my way through the magazine, I discovered that several of the women photographed by Vanity Fair seemed to have forgotten their pants! All the fellas pictured in the magazine though, managed to remember theirs. It’s one thing that’s starting to really bother me about Vanity Fair, the magazine always includes sexy photo shoots of an actress or female artist of some kind, with some generally very short text about who they are underneath. Often they are actresses who aren’t really well known, and it’s an attempt to get them some publicity. The problem is they’re marketing them as objects, in a way that they don’t publicize men. And usually you have to flip through the objectified photos and ads at the front of the magazine to get to the real articles at the back – flip through the fluff to get to the good stuff. Not cool Vanity Fair, not cool – you should have at least had a pantsless Brad Pitt on the cover to balance everything out.

Anyway, I just watched an excellent documentary called Miss Representation (click on the link to watch it!) on the effect media is having on girls and women, and culture in general. My only criticism of it is that there are a few spots where there are some subtle hints or jokes that women are better than men, and I’m not a fan of that. Feminism has been given a bad name and made out to be that it’s about women thinking that they are better than men, and I think we need to avoid giving that myth any credibility – feminism is about women having equal rights to men, not being better. I also think that there should be a documentary about the effect of mainstream media on men, how it portrays them and how it may affect the way they view and act toward women. Increasingly advertisements are targeting men in a similar way to how they target women – making them feel anxious and insecure in order to sell them products (the beauty industry seems to have really ramped up its advertising toward men). Morgan Spurlock has a documentary called Mansome which explores this topic a little bit, but it doesn’t really go into too much in depth.

Oh capitalism, what will you do to us next!

Vanity Fair – June 2013 Issue (seems to be lacking in pants):

Let’s Talk About Love

So quite suddenly and unexpectedly, I find that I’ve ended a 3 and a half year relationship. If anyone read my last post about not being happy with my career, they may be thinking, are you happy with anything in your life??? Well yes, pretty much everything else actually, most importantly I’m quite happy with myself and who I am. And I’ve decided to stick with my career, for now at least, in case anyone’s wondering.

Here’s a word of warning to people like me, intuitive-type people: trust your gut. Don’t let your intuition get drowned out by other ideas or feelings, especially by trying to fit things into what you’d like your life to look like or be, even when they don’t quite fit. I mean, always think things through as well, but seriously analyze things if they’re going against your intuition. Here’s the weird thing about me, anytime I’ve had a deeper, romantic connection with someone I felt it almost instantly when I met them, in two cases before I even talked to them. It’s like a feeling of electricity hanging in the air, once it gave me an instant image in my mind of the giant Christmas tree in Boston lighting up. It’s totally wild, I love it. My Jungian personality type is INFJ (I mentioned this in a previous post I think, and if you don’t know what it is you can take a 15 min test and see which of 16 personality types you are here. While of course everyone is different and trying to pigeonhole people into 16 categories makes generalizations, it was pretty crazy how much this personality type fit me and I learned a heckuva lot about myself).

Anyway, they say that this personality type is so intuitive that we are often associated with psychic abilities. Really it’s just that our intuition processes the information around us, sometimes crazy fast, and presents us with a feeling or an idea that seemingly comes from out of nowhere and in my experience is often extremely accurate. However, this doesn’t explain this one case where my (then) roommate’s friend, who I had never met, stayed over at our place on the couch. I hadn’t met him, I was asleep and then woken up when they came into the apartment, and lying there in my bed, I felt that weird feeling of electricity in the air and remember thinking “I think I have a connection with this person, whoever they are”. Turned out to be true, although sadly, it didn’t really go anywhere. Anyway, many people will be skeptical about his, but it wasn’t some vague feeling, it was quite poignant, and not one that I’ve had often (maybe 4 times in my life?). And every time I did, it did turn out that I actually had some kind of a special, romantic connection with the person.

I didn’t feel that connection when I met my now ex-boyfriend. But he was handsome, funny, smart, fun, and really into me. But he was also scientific, stiff, and un-emotional, and my intuition was saying, and has always said “I’m not too sure about this, you need something deeper young lady!”  Anyway, this tug of war happened for over 3 years, with my mind saying “are you an idiot, this guy’s a dreamboat why would you ever let him go???”, and the intuition not really saying anything, just being a general feeling of unease and unhappiness.  So what happened was, stubborn as I am and trying hard as I could to make things work, my intuition sabotaged me. It was like alright, if you’re not gonna make me happy then I’m just going to slowly go away and make you go numb, so you just don’t feel anything anymore. So I slowly, and without knowing it, went numb. I lost myself, and became somewhat unemotional. I didn’t stay in touch with family and friends like I should have, I stopped trying to meet new people, and spent way too much time by myself or with my boyfriend (often still feeling alone when with him). I got to the point where I couldn’t even kiss him, I just didn’t have a romantic bone left in my body for it, and then my intuition suddenly came back and SHABAM!!!, hit me with the realization of all of this. So after a few days of serious thought, tears, and self-reflection, I ended it. And it wasn’t so bad, because we weren’t much more than friends by this point anyway. He’s a great guy though, just not the one for me. Looking back, it’s all the little things that weren’t right, and that makes all the difference.

So, it’s still sad and definitely an adjustment to being single again, and a bit hard what with the biological clock ticking (I mean I’ve still got plenty of time, but I don’t really want to be an old mom). But I feel a lot better in other ways. I feel more like myself again. I’m craving that electric connection that I haven’t felt in years, and I’m looking forward to feeling it again. And I know much more precisely what kind of guy I’m looking for. Someone eccentric, extroverted, fun and somewhat emotional – a lot like Bono, but maybe with less ego. For now though, I’m happy to just do what I want, and get back to spending time with my friends and family.

I hate to burst your “Lush” bubble but…

Alright, so, someone I know posted a link to Lush’s so called “Green Policy” on facebook today with a status of “finally a company I can get behind!” – noooooooo, you can’t!!!!!!!

Lush has been bothering me for a while. It’s great that they are doing some things to lessen their impact on the environment – they claim to be using recycled materials, and more efficient practices with their raw materials and transportation, etc. That’s good, but I’m sure most companies are trying to be as efficient as possible with their raw materials, etc., in order to keep costs down and they don’t tout it as being ‘for the environment’. They also have a vegan line, which is good, but it leads people to thinking that their products are somehow more natural when vegan only means they aren’t tested on animals or use animal products.

All of this marketing has people believing that their products are natural and good for the environment when often they’re not. If you read a lot of their ingredient labels they have things like sodium laureth sulfate, benzoates, and parabens. They’re mixed in with nice things like ‘organic tea tree oil’ or whatever, but they’re still there. Just search some of the chemically-sounding ingredients in the Skin Deep Cosmetic Database if you don’t know much about them.

But of course their products are full of chemicals, just look at them! All those bright colors, and fragrances so powerful some people can’t even go in the store. I realize it’s hard to have all natural ingredients, especially if you want things to go all foamy and do fun things, but I think they could certainly make much more of an effort to remove some of these unnecessary chemical ingredients and stop the misleading advertising. Read the rest of this entry

My Dilemma


So, I’ve disappeared from my blog for a while now, mainly because I’ve been in a sort of crisis, and I’ve been off trying to figure out what to do. My crisis is one that I think many people under 30 can relate to and it is this: I hate my job. Now hate is a strong word, but I think it’s an appropriate level of emotion for me in this case. However, my job/career is what many would consider to be a “good job”.  It’s one of those jobs that your parents hope you get when you finish university. It’s relatively stable, well-paying, has good benefits, and a decent pension plan. So when I read an article such as this:, about how middle class jobs are hard to find for young people, it’s terrifying to think of leaving and trying to find a new career. But I dread going to work every day… so what do I do? Let’s analyze this a little more deeply shall we.

On the con side of leaving my current position there is the general disappearance of good paying, middle class jobs. I’ve seen this first hand. I have one friend who has an undergrad degree and can only get short-term contract jobs. She might be able to find something better if she moved away from home, but she doesn’t want to do that. Same with another friend of mind, she has 6 years total of university education, yet cannot find full-time employment (she’s a teacher). She has a massive student debt, and is currently living at home with her mom. She could also maybe find work if she moved to a different province (in Canada), but doesn’t want to move away from her family, especially since her father was ill (he unfortunately passed away very recently).  She’s been working on a master’s hoping that will help her. So here I am with what many would consider a very nice career indeed, one of those rare, tough-to-get jobs with the federal government. I don’t want to say specifically what it is, since it’s a very specific job title and there aren’t many of us. It seems like it might be a massive mistake to leave, especially since I know I’ll never get back in if I do. The job is becoming increasingly automated and they are likely going to stop hiring and cut down on staff through attrition.

However it’s a job that should be automated because it’s so awful. It’s monkey work, and exhausting, stressful and busy monkey work at that. Now I say that, but there are people who I work with who do enjoy it, so that’s just how I feel because I’m not suited for it. It is for left-brained people, very scientific and repetitive, and there is no creativity involved. I am quite good at science and math, and mistakenly thought that things like creativity and art were not really for me (career-wise at least). But I took a lot of arts classes in university and those were my favorite ones. But you know, everyone sort of freaks you out with “what are you going to do with an arts degree???” Well I think there’s a lot you can do, especially if you’re also good at science and maths (I like it how British people pluralize math. I’m not British). Anyway, I didn’t realize I had that much of a creative side until rather recently, thus my dilemma (I took this personality/career test developed by Carl Jung and boy did it reveal a lot: It only takes about 15 minutes. In case anyone’s curious, I am evidently the rarest type, INFJ. Just like Ghandi hahahahahaha… ahem).    Another point to make is that, as I said earlier, my work is increasingly being automated, so the atmosphere at the moment in the office isn’t so great – people feel underappreciated, they are increasingly being replaced. But the workload somehow still manages to remain sky-high. And the atmosphere in the public service at the moment isn’t really great anyway, because of all the cuts.  There really is no such thing as a secure job (Jim Carrey said that, after his dad gave up playing music for a “stable job” only to later lose it and the family to become quite poor. I think they even ended up living out of their van for a while). Also there is very little chance, well virtually none, that I’ll be able to get back home (I’m currently a good 13 hour drive from my home town) with my current occupation within the next 10 years. And I reallllllly miss my family, this is a massive problem for me.

So what do I do? I can stay in my job and be secure and well-paid but miserable when I’m working (which is a lot of the time!). Or I can try to find something else and possibly end up destitute. Except that I think I’m smart enough that I’ll at least be able to make some money. But I don’t really know what the “something else” would be. It would need to be something creative, but where I can also use my left brain. I’m thinking web design, I wouldn’t even have to go back to school for that, I can learn it on my own. I guess the only nagging concern with this idea is that it could just be a different type of monkey work, because people don’t want to pay much for websites anymore. There seems to be this trend of making good jobs suck these days. Anyway, I’m still thinking about it, and it’s incredibly stressful not to know which way to turn. I’m sure I’ll figure it out soon though, yoga and crying and talking my friend’s and family’s ears off can only go so far to relieve the strain.

Btw, I do feel I kind of got pushed in the wrong direction by the education system.  This is an awesome video, based on a talk by Ken Robinson:

Been Off Wandering

Major life decisions are being made, but as Arnold would say, I’ll be back (soon)

An environmental version of Pink Floyd’s The Wall

I think you might be on to something random youtube video commenter, you just might. I just love this video/short story, although it made me very sad, and I’m still surprised at how strong of an emotional reaction I had. Apparently though, reading people’s comments on youtube I’m not the only one. Anyway, I am very excited for the related album to come out. Ever since I discovered Once Cell in the Sea, whilst randomly listening to those cd players you can listen to with the big headphones in the record stores, I’ve been re-listening to it every fall, because it reminds me of that season. The artist is A Fine Frenzy, and while I wasn’t really hooked on her second album like I was with the first one, I’m very excited about the third (being released next week). More artists who make albums not singles yes please!

Also check out one of the songs:

Largest Comic Ever

Don’t cheat and zoom out! Not at first anyway.

At the top of the CN Tower

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